I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
