dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
