Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize