apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
