maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
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We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
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She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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