community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
