She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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