Christians are straight up FREAKS
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
