my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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