i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
