She's JV to your varsity
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
