Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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