um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
