hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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