is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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