the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize