I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
