I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
