Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
