you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
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Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
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Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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