I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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