Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
