Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
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By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
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First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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