Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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