Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
