your parents love me but you hate me
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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