Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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