We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
