we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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