Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
