College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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