I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize