Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
worst night to have a conscience
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
