I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Come share oat with me in your robe
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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