you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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