Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
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Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
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You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize