he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
