Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
