you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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