For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
