We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
