you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
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I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
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You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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