Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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