In the future we'll all be gay
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
