Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
