Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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