im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We left the knife in your bed.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
