Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
