i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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