every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
