Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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