i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I still have a little drunk in my system
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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