someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
