tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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