Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
