the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
