I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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