i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
