Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
