This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
