my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
