there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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