marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
